Everyone does T-shirts, but what would be the most appropriate

merchandise for your show?

Speedos and bikinis with my face on the ass.

 

Most inappropriate comment made by/to you?

We can’t make you Speedos and bikinis with your face on the ass.

 

What act would you love to heckle?

Humphrey B Bear, I’m sure he’d be stuck for words.

 

What superstitions and rituals do you have before showtime?

I love to sing. Especially romantic songs like Baby Got Back.

 

What sound makes you happy?

People laughing at my jokes.

 

Trait most likely to get you arrested?

Spiking Kevin Rudd’s drink. Been close but no cigar.

 

Celebrity meltdown prediction of

2010?

Nikki Webster.

 

What gift will ensure your groupies

make it backstage?

Breasts (preferably two of them.)

 

Which historical event would you have enjoyed checking out?

Tiger Woods banging 13 porn stars.

 

What makes you cranky?

When the tequila runs out!

 

What’s been your worst stage fashion faux pas?

I don’t speak French. Sorry.

 

If you were to start a cult, what would your followers have to do?

Have sex with me and pretend they enjoy it. All members must be women.

 

Most painful road trip?

To Griffith, about six hours from Sydney. There is only so much food and

porn you can carry in a car.

 

Favourite fetish?

Whopper with cheese.

 

Coolest thing that ever happened at

your school?

Wet my pants in year three. Everyoneknew Anthony Salame after that.

 

The end of the world is just around

the corner – what do you do?

A monkey. I’m curious to see how much we have evolved.

 

Most romantic moment?

When a stripper gave me a lap dance for free. Lexus was the love of my life.

 

If your show came with a

government health sticker, what

would it say?

Anthony Salame, the guy your mother warned you about.